me;myself;and i; then came HIM

Posted On: 06/28/2009 Current Mood: hurt

 ive thought about this many times before and its relly hard for me to tell;

a while ago i wasnt happy at all. i didnt fell loved at all; not by anyone &even though i knew God loved me no matter wat i didnt believe it;or didnt want to... i was, wat i felt, not in control of my life &the only thing i could control was eating; so thats wat i did. i didnt eat some days and exercise like CRAZY. i wanted to b skinny enough to b loved; to b accepted ;(( i didnt just not eat. i was angry&hurt inside but i hid it and botteled it up. haha NOT a good idea. i had...had suiside thoughts. they werent too bad but they were still plain and simple. why cant i b like everyone else? wat is wrong with me? uhhhh im sooo frustrated! why cant this just end? i can cant i? i mean its my life and i can do watever i want! it wood be easy. but then it woodnt be easy at allll! it ate me alive and finally my mom signed me up for the churchs lady encounter. i did NOT want to go but on the last day i just broke down. i was in a big fight with my best friends and still batteling on the inside. one nite i felt something and God said get up, and raise your hands if you want to get rid of this. i stood up and away i went. i was in a deep fog for the next hour and God took it away. He loved me like i had never felt loved before.

when i got back things felt different but i still hurt. why wood God love me? i thought it all over and over again and felt empty. God had taken all the pain but i hadnt taken in His love to fill the hole in my life. i went to a camp and God shook me up like a bottle rocket :))). He showed me things like Psalm 17 :6-9; Psalm 18:1-6 and Psalms 18:16-19.! He loved me in my darkness, He loved me first, while evil thoughts still ran through my head. HE LOVED ME.

ok soo thats the outlining mostly...sorry if i weirded or freaked any of you out. i didnt mean to and tell me if i did; but if it helped you in some way message me and tell me. there are still some details that mite help. well thanx for reading.

love you all LOTS.

Jessica

71 Views - 3 Comments - 1 High Fives - Give a High Five - Post a Comment
Tweet

From	Comment
(webby)Joey Reply to this	Jul 1, 2009 12:10 pm Jessica you've really helped me personally and you know why.
miss.melea (: Reply to this	Jun 29, 2009 8:30 am thats awesome
lance Reply to this	Jun 29, 2009 6:16 am God is soooo good! keep it up !